August 24, 2008

Old and singular

I have been called bitter, because I thought I had deserved more in life and said so. I am invisible, because I am older and I am also singular.

I became a singular person during my last marriage, I can’t really say how this happen. I have never been an outgoing sort of person, but I had had a few friends before.

I thought I would take a vacation and now I find that I am penalized for being singular. The better bargains are for double occupancy.

Too old to get a date, but not quite old enough to get those senior discounts.


Emil said...

There is much false propaganda about age. “Age has a good mind and sorry shanks,” said Arenito, confusing the ability to run for the bus with good health. Much that refers to age make it a concoction of trembling limbs and forgetfulness - these are mainly from people who were old at 40. A person must now be at least double that to have the honor of being properly old. And a honor it is, so allude Jospeh Joubert: "Life is a country that the old have seen, and I have lived in. Those who have yet to travel through it can only learn the way from them."

And as you say, there are always those discounts!

Hathor said...

I'd rather have a date.

Ochyming said...

Singularity is a GIFT!
Cowards wear masks.

But cowards are cowards for the sake of surviving.

Emil said...

Yes, a date is probably better.

Ochyming said...


.. If the date worth it.

Hathor said...

How would I ever know if I never met the person?

At my age the probability of dating is low. One's doesn't really have the luxury of sorting thru the jerks, most men are dead, bums or married.

sokari said...

hathor@ I hear you on the invisibility of older people and singles and getting a date let alone a relationship. However being single has it's advantages which personally I think do outweigh relationships. I think to a large extent relationships are over rated and I wonder how many people in them are really happier than someone single. The age thing is slightly different as you cannot stop yourself from getting old. The key is not to put boundaries on yourself because of your age. Just do and be what your body and mind tell you. We need to challenge those"age" stereotypes just as we do with other identities. I found your post sad. ON another note here in UK there are some holidays that dont penalise single occupancy - check in the US as the same may apply. As emil states some people are "old" (ie act old - like their life is over) at 40 whereas others are still going strong at 87 like my parents who are still active, physically and mentally. The other day I read a short piece in the Guardian about a woman who had written to the paper saying she was 80+ and wanted to know where she could buy a vibrator to enhance her masturbation experience since her husband had died. I thought that was amazing and hope I too am sexually active at 80+

Ana said...

You sound like you need a vacation.Take frequent short trips.Visit places where you can meet someone who is eligible.Plan on always being visible. Enjoy life, and if you want a date or a mate one would show up.


Hathor said...

I was comfortable not being in a relationship for quite a while after my divorce, but it has been going on twenty years since I have had any meaningful male companionship and I miss it.

My invisibility has not been by choice, I finished my degree at 60 and actually thought that I would be seriously considered for employment or at least a promotion where I work.

I found that I even get ignored when I try small talk, as if these men are embarrassed that an older woman would speak to them. The last time I has been approached by a man is when I was in my forties. I have not been trying to be invisible, although my personality my have something to do with it. I am not an effervescent person. At most places I usually see older couples and the singles are older women.

Being old is not stopping my life, but it sure is a hindrance to the pursuit of the things I want from it.

Ana said...

One last thing, an eligible man does not have to be your age or older. He could be much younger.

I am in my forties and I don't look my age. Most women of color have the advantage of looking much younger than their real age.

If you think you are being ignored by men your age, try talking with those who are younger.
Many younger men are much more open than older men anyway.

Good luck!God and the entire physical Universe are on your side.