September 30, 2006

Not anything to show for it

When is it time to stop chasing your dreams? Over the many years, my dreams have changed, but none the less I kept pursuing some dream. Now, it seems the more I pursue, the farther they move away from me. I did manage to finish college. Its amazing that is means nothing to me now, after fits and starts it took me 43 years to do it. I thought it would mean something to my employer, but once you have a label it’s too hard to get rid of it. So I have been looking elsewhere for some company to recognize my talents. Over a year now, and nothing. Is it time to stop looking? I need to have something more challenging. Other dreams I want to pursue are dependant on being able to make more money. To join a dojo and gym; buy an oboe and take lessons again; and be able to visit the major waterfalls in the world: any one of these dreams is out of my reach.

My will is winding down; I am losing the desire to keep up the pursuit. My body keeps zigzagging through the side effects of medication, so I alternately feel good or bad. I want to think of retirement as my new dream: but that would be living at a means that says; I have worked all my life with nothing to show for it.

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